You must have heard of the ‘leap of faith’. I want to tell you how I took mine. In our material world nothing happens without a cause. It is not easy for us to take a leap of faith. And generally we consider the pros and cons of all our actions. Even a successful attempt at any of our actions has to have reasons. We negate all those actions which occur without a cause. We just do not believe them or consider them a fluke or luck.

But sometimes events happen, without a cause, and then we are unable to decide whether the fruit of our action is really the result of our hard work. What we believe to be the fruit solely of hard work is so disguised that it becomes difficult for us to take credit! You must have experienced it yourself. When you reap a windfall, it’s generally associated with some investment you might have made. But how would you react if some fortune falls into your lap, out of nowhere? Wouldn’t that seem like a bounty from beyond?

Being a science student, I could never believe blindly in anything. The idea of God sitting somewhere in the heavens never really appealed to me—in fact, I would vehemently deny that God existed. I rarely visited temples. Prayers and rituals were taboo for me. After marriage, I followed rituals according to my mother-in-law’s wish. But that was out of respect for her rather than devotion to God. I rationalised that the least I could do was to develop devotion for human beings, who seemed real to me and my scientific mind. Over time I found a via media—why not believe in a guru rather than God; that seemed more rational, scientific and a logical thing to do.

In such a logical state of mind, Sai Baba of Shirdi became my idol. He was close to the idea of God to me. Then in 1994, I faced a life-changing situation. My younger son was born and the next day, my father-in-law left for his heavenly abode. My infant son, too, suffered from severe infection. Doctors declared that he had little chances of survival.

Seema Saxena

In tears I prayed to Sai Baba to save my child and promised I would surrender to Him. In my mind and to Sai Baba, I committed to shed my ego—banish it forever. It was a test of a lifetime. Days passed as I watched my son tenderly, holding on to his life with a slender thread. But he didn’t seem to be giving up and neither was I.

It was my leap of faith that sparked a miracle. In a month’s time, but what seemed years in terms of waiting, my son’s health stabilised and he was declared out of danger by the doctor. Then the real miracle happened. Within six months, from a listless infant in neonatal care, my son was transformed into a chubby little infant.

So the next time I visited my mother in Mumbai, I told my younger brother about my wish to visit Shirdi. He also was having problems with his job; so both of us planned a trip. In anticipation of the visit, I bought 2.5 metres of saffron-coloured cloth, a beautiful brocaded lace and prepared a shawl for Sai Baba as my offering. I stitched a ‘Swastik’ and ‘Om’ figure on the opposite ends of the shawl. Both of us landed in Shirdi and waited for hours in queue to get a darshan. There was an option to take a shorter route, but we had decided to take the longer course to prove our devotion.

The Blessed Shawl

After a long wait, it was time for us to have darshan. I had my shawl ready along with other puja samagri. I was not sure whether the priest would accept my shawl and so I had bought another small piece of cloth from the stalls outside. My heart skipped many beats, when I finally handed over the puja samagri to the priest amidst jolts and pushes. I had observed how the pujari was throwing all offerings away to one side of the idol and I was sure my offering would suffer the same fate.

While I was busy looking at the idol and praying fervently, I caught sight of the priest opening my bundle of offering and unfolding my handmade shawl. Nothing extraordinary–but the priest surveyed it for a moment. He then wiped the idol’s face with my shawl and seemed wonderstruck as he did this. It was a rare gesture not done with other offerings. The significance of it was not lost on me. I was dazzled and so was my brother, who was looking at me, surprised.

The sensations that ran through my entire being are not easy to describe. I felt satisfied, as if Sai Baba Himself had accepted my offering. As I proceeded to leave, the priest handed me the prasad along with the shawl.

Why would the shawl get such special treatment, I still marvel about it. It’s an inexplicable gesture on the part of the priest. In the rush, the priest could have just thrown my offering aside like he did with the others. Then why did he spare the time to use it to wipe the idol? That was remarkable, though I can never fully understand what motivated the priest and why? These questions still remain unanswered. 

I mellowed down from a fiery argumentative lady to a soft-hearted woman who is willing to listen. Gradually, there were so many incidents in my life, thereafter, which carried their own teachings. One of them, I would like to mention. My mother-in-law was in the last stage of cancer. I had to look after her, my kids, my sister-in-law, her infant kid and it was too many responsibilities to handle. And then someone came to visit my mother-in-law, accompanied by another lady who was keeping her company.

Though a complete stranger, she noticed me and said some very soothing words. She appreciated the way I was caring for my mother-in-law and blessed me for it, remarking how she had been witness to ailing, aged parents neglected and uncared for.

Here I was grumbling and complaining of being over-burdened with my responsibilities, but somehow her words seemed to soothe me and I realised my folly of complaining about doing my duty, and not doing it willingly and cheerfully, which is what our sanskriti and religion teaches us. The unknown visitor seemed to me like a messenger sent to teach me kindly the real meaning of Seva. Eventually, my mother-in-law, too, left for her heavenly abode, but in peace.

I then had many realisations. The most important of them was that there was a cause-and-effect to our lives, which most often, is not revealed. That is not really important. For as human beings, we must have faith that God knows what is best for us. We shouldn’t question Him or seek answers.

The transformation that came in me was subtle, for God is gentle and doesn’t jolt us. Like a magnet, I was now attracted to temples and, me, the woman with a scientific mind, started enjoying going to temples. I was one with the devotees, joining my hands in prayers, with my emotions laid bare. I surrendered completely to a Supreme Power which is now God for me. Worshipping the Lord is my daily routine. 

I have taken a leap of faith. I don’t question His existence and whereabouts. It doesn’t matter wherever, whatever He is. What matters is I can feel His guidance and even understand the subtle messages. Calm and peaceful, not agitated like before, I look for a deeper meaning in life now.

Seema Saxena is a B.Sc in microbiology, and also a B.Ed. She was brought up and educated in Mumbai. Seema is an avid writer and blogger who writes about practicality and spirituality in life. She is now settled in Jaipur.

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