One very important aspect of marriage is intellectual partnership, important for both man and woman. Each one of us needs to have an intellectual partner with whom we can have a dialogue, and try to discover better options. And the best intellectual partner is none other than your spouse, says Maulana Wahiduddin Khan
Married life is not just about travelling together. It is about resolving issues and sharing of ideas. It is true that adjustment is the only formula for a successful married life. But it is not adjustment for the sake of adjustment—it is for a higher purpose, that is, to create a normal environment in which it will be possible to achieve the real purpose of married life.
Married life is not simply co-travelling. It is rather co-sharing. Both partners in a marriage possess something unique and each needs to share that with the other. Each one of us is born with different qualities, and each one needs to share them with one’s partner, so that both may develop their personalities in a better way.
One very important aspect of marriage is what I call intellectual partnership. Every day, we face problems; every day there are some new issues—we have to take some decisions, we want to explore some new area in the world of ideas.
This is important for both man and woman. Each one of us needs to have an intellectual partner with whom we can have a dialogue, and try to discover better options. And the best intellectual partner is none other than your spouse.
Everyone has adopted what may be called the adjustment culture—the businessman with his customers, every working man or woman with his or her boss. I think this is good, although the goal of this adjustment is only the money to be earned. But this adjustment culture is essential also between husband and wife. By adopting this adjustment culture in married life, you can earn something that is far more important than money.
When you converse with your partner, it is bound to give rise to new ideas. In this sense, the process of intellectual partnership leads to intellectual development. And, intellectual development is the greatest goal for every man and woman.
Human beings, are by nature, explanation-seeking. So when you talk about adjustment in married life, both partners could ask, “Why adjustment?” You have to give a good explanation, otherwise any talk of adjustment will not have the right impact upon them. They may agree with your sermon on adjustment, but they will not follow it in their practical life.
My experience is in the field of scholarship. I know that study is the basis of scholarship, but only book-reading is not enough to develop a high level of scholarship. This requires exchange and dialogue. This is the concept of those activities which are called seminars and conferences. But your spouse is an ever-ready intellectual partner available day and night. Home-conferencing is far more beneficial than the formal conferencing which takes place in an auditorium. Discover this aspect of married life and any amount of adjustment will seem to be insignificant.
Maulana Wahiduddin Khan, 95, is an Islamic spiritual scholar who has adopted peace as the mission of his life. Author of more than 200 books, he is known for his Gandhian views, and considers non-violence as the only method to achieve success.