The heteronormative assumptions of our contemporary society idolise a binary gender identity and a heterosexual orientation often aligned with the person’s biological sex. These assumptions make it clear that if you are biologically a female, you must identify and behave like a stereotypical feminine woman and love a man. And if you are biologically a male, you must identify and behave like a stereotypical masculine man and love a woman. Anyone deviating from this ideal is considered abnormal and disgusting. These stereotypes stifle our personal evolution by not giving us enough space to explore ourselves.
The American Psychological Association has recently come up with revised guidelines for psychological practice with men and women. It has strongly posited that traditional masculine model with its emphasis on suppressing one’s tender and feminine side, turning into a compulsive overachiever, denying and downplaying personal weaknesses, excessive risk-taking and displaying aggression and violence is out-dated.
In a similar vein, the traditional feminine model conditioning women into being passive, dependent, sacrificing, nurturing and overly accepting has been proven redundant and malicious. Psychologists now believe that men and women conforming to these models often land up with severe physical and mental illnesses and are unable to live a happy, meaningful life.
We need to create space for expressing our unique gender and sexual identities. Many spiritual perspectives recognise that these identities can be fluid and multifaceted and encourage us to accept and integrate them. Chinese Taoism describes the universal life force manifesting as complementary elements of yin and yang that fuse together into wholeness.
While yin expresses stillness, receptivity, softness, dampness and diffuseness, yang is characterised by motion, activity, strength, heat and light. Taoist masters believe that nothing in creation is absolutely yin or yang — men and women have both yin and yang in them in unique ways. If we overidentify with either yin or yang, there is chaos and imbalance within us. Therefore, we must learn the art of balancing these complementary elements within us.
Hinduism talks about the Ardhanarishvara, an androgynous deity composed of Shiva and Parvati integrating elements of both masculine and feminine. We are told that everyone has a masculine as well as feminine side within them and they can experience everlasting joy by amalgamating these two aspects.
According to the ‘Vijnana Bhairava Tantra’, the way in which fire and the power to burn are inseparable, the Supreme Lord Bhairava and the Supreme Goddess Bhairavi are one and the same. When one deeply meditates on Bhairavi, the glorious state of Bhairava is revealed.
Once a spiritual master refused to talk to Meerabai because she was a woman. Subsequently, Meerabai responded that there is only one (symbolic) man in the universe, the Supreme, and we are all born to become his gopikas (devotees). From a spiritual perspective, you understand that your true Self is yearning for unification of masculine and feminine energies within you.
Get ready to move beyond your rigid biological givens, sexual identities and social constructions — discovering everlasting bliss within you. Carefully listen to your inner voice and be open to the masculinity and femininity within you, in others and in the universe, accepting and celebrating this diversity and letting it guide you towards the Supreme Self.
(The writer is a clinical psychologist in Puducherry.)