As the traditional joint family system has crumbled, old age has now become a battle which can be won by drawing on our great spiritual reserves, says BATURAM NAYAK
Ageing is a common human predicament. With age come inescapable physical and mental issues of pain and suffering, which we never imagine in the early stages of life. As one crosses the fifties, health issues crop up ringing an alarm bell, prompting us to slow down and reorient our priorities.
However, in our traditional joint family system, which is not a nuclear one but a social unit consisting of parents, sons, daughters, uncles, aunts, grandchildren and grandparents, family issues are galore, calling for shouldering additional responsibilities. The positive aspect of the joint family system is the sharing of responsibilities, keeping the synergy of interpersonal relations vibrant and alive.
At the heart of such a family lies a spirit of joy, which reinforces the relationships of one another, starting from a baby to the grandparents to the son, daughter and in-laws … each relationship being respectably unique.
Blessed is the family which has succeeded in building this synergy by maintaining a value system where love, respect, care and concern for one another is vibrantly alive.
In such a beautiful ambience, growing and ageing become equally enjoyable. Every issue is better sorted out and becomes a non-issue and all problems are addressed with collective concern and get mitigated with ease.
Fortunately enough, I belong to such a family and have thoroughly enjoyed the ambience. Reminiscing my childhood, I vividly recall my parents taking care of my grandparents (my grandfather lived up to the age of 95), in such a way that all their wishes were taken care of, more so when geriatric problems got hold of them during the last phases of their lives.
My father’s nursing of my ailing grandfather was so perfect that his care would have been the envy of even a seasoned nurse. As my father would often recall with teary eyes, the parting blessing of my grandmother on her deathbed: she asked my aunt to help her collect the dust under her feet and sprinkle them on my father’s head so that he remains happy throughout his life.
Against the backdrop of the family culture of those bygone days, it feels painful to note that our traditional family system and the values associated with it are eroding fast due to the growth of the nuclear family. As a result, ageing parents are abandoned in their own homes, and shunted to old age homes. This is in stark contrast to the Indian value system nurtured over the years.
Sadly, in most of the homes of our colony, aged couples are staying alone as their children are working in far off cities in India and in foreign countries. Almost all the elderly couples are fighting old age issues and taking care of one another even as both are surviving on pills. Yet they are reluctant to leave their homes till one among the couple passes away, and living with their children becomes a compelling necessity.
How amazingly, in a short span of just two decades, more so, in the wake of globalisation, families are getting fast disintegrated, because the youth are getting lured by big job opportunities and moving to bigger city centres in India and overseas. As a result, our traditional family culture is disintegrating!
In this changing reality, it has now become imperative to learn the Art of Growing Old. Perhaps with it, we also need to learn the Art of Dying with Dignity. Our age-old spiritual wisdom will surely stand us in good stead in our last moments, and help us to win the battle against old age, as we return to our real Heavenly home.
Baturam Nayak, a postgraduate in economics, joined the banking sector in 1983 and retired in June 2020. He is a firm believer in simplicity and minimalism. “My faith is Oneness, एकत्वम्; that’s the way I would express myself and live in harmony with everything,” he says.
Featured photo by Rajesh Balouria from Pixabay
Beautiful.
Home carrying phrase…
” art of dying with dignity “.
Baturam babu! Nicely elaborated the family.
Yes our generation mostly grew up with family.
Remember, no matter where my father is posted ( we were coming minimum once to our home where I had my grand father, grand mother, uncles, aunts and often many others too join us there at Home and we enjoy the bliss of togetherness.
We understand the importance and real meaning of home & family.
Gradually things changed. Even in our generation many preferred nucleus family to come away from the crowd.
Yes now evening we are alone rarelyfeel the loneliness as technology reduced distance and seeing eachother. My daughter-in-law from USA orders groceries for her mother-in-law through jeo-mart. Every day both my children, their children and spouse talk in conference call with my wife. Some day once or twice in a week the phone also is brought to my vision. Thus preventing us to feel lonely.
The choices, the compassion and the play of heart decides life now.
Yes amidst all these glorious experiences heart assures that ” you will be dying with dignity “”
Nice topic Oswald jee. Like me Baturam babu too leads a calm and vibrating life with his wife. Only difference is I am receiving blessings from my parents from heaven. But Baturam babu has the luxury of his father’s hand on his head.
May mahaprabhu bless Uncle jee a healthy life for many more years.
Manas bhai, you have picturesquely described the reality of the day.
How to live with ‘it’, with graceful sense of acceptance that is the only tormenting question one has to resolve anyway, standing at the zenith of old age.
In our colony, as I have said, in so many homes ageing couples are left behind, now that their children are working in far off places. Very often we keep sharing our feelings during the evening get together at a temple nearby where the common observation boils down to the old adage which says: “the toe alone knows where the shoe pinches.”
It’s true that till major health issues crop up which as such is inescapable, everything goes fine but once it happens, nothing becomes more dreadful than the solitude of the old age. It’s just exactly then that one needs the company of a family which is a delightful alchemy of the cries of babies, giggles of housewives, and pleasantries of friends which otherwise, left in the monotony of isolation one can not have.
No doubt, wisdom calls for adaptation to the reality of the day and to that end, our generation has to struggle to learn the art of living and also the art of dying gracefully too, a sort of Buddhist awareness, if one can say!
Manas bhai, most of the time my father talks to me on this old age issue, the psychosomatic experiences he is going through and very conclusively says that to win over the issues spiritual insight is the only pragmatic way.
Thank you again for your beautiful supplement. 🙏