MAMTA SEHGAL suggests that we choose acceptance over expectation to achieve peace of mind
Life is all about expectations. At each stage of our life we expect things from the people around us. We expect a certain outcome to certain things and situations that life puts us in. We expect things to happen our own way. But most of the time it doesn’t happen the way we want it to be and that makes us sad and even angry.
When it comes to people’s behaviour towards us, we expect them to act in a particular manner, which is suitable just to us, but sadly it never happens. We are put into many difficult situations because of people and it becomes difficult to handle the outcome and thus stress erupts.
So, in order to arrive at solutions to the problems that each day brings us, we need to get into serious introspection. I have done this and have come to the conclusion that the easiest way to overcome problems is to abandon all expectations and follow the mantra of acceptance.
Whether it is the people, their behaviour, or situations, we should stop expecting anything and should start accepting the way people or situations are. We should accept the fact that we can in no way change the people or their behaviour or the happenings around us ― and we have to accept them as they are. It is only then that we will be able to buy our peace.
Always remember, it is nothing but the clash between our expectations and acceptance that causes pain and unrest in our life. So in some way we are ourselves responsible for putting us in difficult situations.
Let’s take the example of our personal life. We have our family members, domestic helps, friends, and so many people we meet each day and find each one of them with a particular conduct and behaviour. There are times we do not like the way a particular person behaves or his/her habits. Each day we expect them to behave in a different manner but nothing changes.
The more we see them and expect them to act in a specific manner, the more we get irritated. Nothing changes in them but it surely affects us; because of our irritation towards their demeanour. The more we try changing them the more frustrated we become.
So the question is how can we overcome this frustration? The easiest way is to accept things as they are and ignore whatever is happening around us. When we start doing that, our attention is focused on our own acts, rather than the acts people indulge in. It makes life pretty much easier than what we had made it into.
There is another example I would like to mention here. Imagine it’s a pleasant evening and we are sitting in our lawn reading a book of our interest. Few minutes later someone in the neighborhood starts playing loud music, and all our attention is diverted towards that music which starts to irritate us, so much so that we loose all attention for the book and start to think of that music and how we can stop it.
The more we think about it, the more annoying it becomes and we instantly loose our peace of mind. So how can we bring ourselves out of this situation? By acceptance. We have to tune our mind to ignore the music, prevent it from bothering us, and try to concentrate on our reading and the pleasant weather around us.
We have to accept the fact that someone is indulging in something they like to do. The moment we accept this fact, all our annoyance vanishes and the same music may sound soothing to our ears.
Hence, if we want to sincerely make our life peaceful and stress free, lets give a clear and conscious thought to what shall we choose ― Expectation or Acceptance. Acceptance surely is the answer.
A fashion academician and author of two books, ‘The Perennial Journey’ and ‘Rooh-e-Rumi, Mamta’, Mamta Sehgal is a regular columnist with leading dailies. She has spent over 20 years teaching, mentoring and partnering with leading academic institutions. Now a full-time social entrepreneur, she and a friend have spearheaded ‘Joy Story Foundation’, a social venture.