The writer, a new mother holds her baby and wonders at the joy of creation

A warm touch, an innocent smile, rosy checks and joyful laughter, that was the broad sketch I had of my baby in my thoughts and when I held her in my arms for the first time, I could see the magical galaxy of thoughts converge with reality. While experiencing this delightful convergence, I simultaneously realised that I was being handed over a job for which I had no education or training and where there is no scope for mistakes. That’s what motherhood is all about. 

Whenever any of my friends were blessed with children, I would excitedly go shopping for clothes and goodies for them, yet I was always extremely frightened of holding them. I would carefully wash and sanitise my hands, and tried to make sure that I didn’t wear any rough clothing or jewellery. Only then would I plonk myself on a sofa and then hold their baby, gingerly, as gently as I could.

The author Anchal Sinha with her baby Shanaaya

And, now here I was, a few hours after my planned C section, thinking how I am going to manage the journey ahead. Luckily, we got her home the very next day and were lovingly welcomed by my mother who had prepared sweets for us at home. We have named our daughter Shanaaya, which simply means God’s gift. This beautiful and loving gift comes to all parents without a manual on how to raise, comfort and cherish this precious gift. In the months ahead, I found myself swaying around the house in the middle of the night with Shanaaya in my arms. Often, even holding her in one arm and preparing her milk with the other.

Afterwards, my lap becomes her bed, and my shoulder becomes her impromptu burping station. All along, my ears and hair are her toys. This change in my personality was overwhelmingly welcomed by my being with not just joy, but with an equal dose of astonishment.

My mother-in-law, mother, my husband, the midwives and of course my dog Khush, who retains the sole honour of being my first ‘baby’ helped and comforted me as I was trying to adjust to this new role. But all along, I often felt that there was an invisible energy guiding me through all this. This guidance cannot be described in words. But, perhaps, we can call it a mother’s instinct. I wished with all my heart that through all my years of education and the reams and reams of reading material that I studied, that some thought had gone into preparing young women for Motherhood. It is after all, a job that many young women yearn and one that proves to be so rewarding and satisfying, and yet so difficult.

Wouldn’t some structured study help young women better equip themselves to shoulder this immense responsibility of raising an innocent and unknown soul who so quickly becomes their world?

These days, my time is spent on reading about weaning, teething, even crawling―and such words have all become a part of our dictionary. To get hands on at things, I find myself taking care of Shanaaya during the day and simultaneously learning baby recipes, and reading parenting books; sometimes late into the night. Just like flowers and children bloom at their own pace, I guess mothers also mature in good time, taking baby steps, so to speak.

While trying to strike a balance between enjoying her childhood, learning and unlearning things, becoming her first teacher and guide, I now also confidently surrender the path of her life to be mapped by the Lord who has sent her to me as a gift. 

Anchal Sinha lives in Surrey, UK, with her family. She has previously worked for leading News TV Channels in India and is a distinction holder from the London School of Economics.