The author analyses the loving relationship between parents and daughters in the light of societal expectations
Often, this thought occupies my mind: Why is it that a girl is never thought of as a permanent member of her parental home? This thought is somehow drilled into a girl’s head, especially in India that eventually, she will go away to another home. Once she is married, she is taught that her priorities have to change ― that her husband’s home is her first home, and her parent’s home is the second one.
The day a girl is born in our country, the very next second, everybody starts thinking that she is a girl and will eventually go to another home. This happens, even though the parents may shower her with enough love.
It is almost as if a girl begins her journey in life in the light of this age-old aphorism.
There are other roles that she is silently saddled with. She is given dolls to play, taught how to tidy up and conditioned into unconsciously imbibing all kinds of tasks that are typically associated with women. And slowly, gradually as she grows up, somewhere these become like truths. As she grows up, she naturally develops with more maturity, has a sense of responsibility, and even learns the rudiments of cooking as if it is the most natural thing in the world.
Before she knows it, deep in some corner of her heart, she knows that in due course, she has to leave her first home.
But some things can never change. A girl’s first love is always her father and her first friend and mentor is her mother. Girls, often grow up to think that their fathers are their real heroes and in my own case, that has proved so very right. When I’m at my best, I am very much my father’s daughter. Somehow, daughters can feel this ― that this person is always there for her to help her weather every storm.
The mother-daughter relationship, too, is special and is connected directly from the soul. Only a mother can give that love and affection to her daughter as she has already gone through that pain of detaching herself like a bird from her real home. She is there to always fill you with more love for others, and she also instils in you the qualities of perfection and courage so that one day, your own children too can be as proud of you as you are of your mother.
Moms and Dads give their daughters, the greatest gift of all ― the gift of unconditional love. They care more for who we are, and never judge us for what we do or don’t do.
When a daughter is raised like this, why is it that once she is married, she is expected to treat her parental home as secondary? It is time this stereotypical thought should change. I don’t want to dwell too much on this conditioning, but perhaps, it is time we made way for change.
Why is it that once she is married, her behaviour is expected to undergo a gradual change? Why can’t she still demand a gift from her father, albeit with love, just as she used to do in her childhood? Why can’t she show that stubborn insistence on eating certain foods just like she had always done before she was married?
I often wonder if this is my individual perception or if this is a hidden truth which is somewhere deeply engraved in every parent’s and daughter’s soul?
I believe that even if daughters can outgrow their parent’s laps, they can never really outgrow their rightful place from their hearts.
Dr Parul Gupta holds a Masters in Physiotherapy (orthopaedics) and has eight years’ clinical experience. She believes in self-motivation and is always keen to expand her learning through books, religion and spirituality.
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True. In India daughters used to be brought up as ‘paraya dhan ‘ but I think it is changing now especially in urban families. They are taught to be economically and mentally become independent. Yet what one sees in the family all around, one does think of husband’s family as own and takes to home responsibilities naturally after marriage.
In west it’s all together different kids are independent and as adults they have their own life with no home as first or second. It is just parents home on both sides.
I think in India children are expected to look after parents in old age or lived in joint family forever and that’s why we have developed such notions and made an unwrittten rule that always the boy’s parents have to be taken care of. Girls parents are taken care of by their brothers.
You feelings are true.
“Sometimes when I need a miracle, I look into my daughter’s eye & I realise I have created one!”
my daughter ?
Wonderfully written from the deep core of the heart. Yes. Feels like a poem from a daughter.
Before few days I wrote a poem of a father. If there is a way I would like you to read that and know your father too.
Yes in our country girls have two homes. One of the father where she burns her own homeand the second is the husband’s home which she transforms as her home.
It is practiced since thousand years.
Sita came from King Janak’s palace and share Lord Rama’s life.
Draupadi came from King Drupad’s kingdom and made her home with Pandavas, being a part and parcel of Mahabharat.
My mother left her jamindar father when she was 17 and took charge of her doctor husband and his large family for 69 years.
My wife too lives with me raising her home leaving her paternal home since last 42 years.
Woman is in possession of many divine virtues and has more power than man.
Love never ends.
It always flows. Its’ nature is flowing.
Nice post.
Slowly and steadily, things are changing…I have been lucky to have had parents who treated us two sisters like sons. A couple of years after our marriage, our parents got 2 floors constructed for us to shift into along with our respective families. This arrangement turned out to be quite beneficial, as it helped us to take good care of them at the time of ill-health. Only my Dad is alive now and together we ensure that all his needs are fulfilled in his old age. If you have your parents’ blessings, you are the richest person in this world.
Wonderful explanation of a daughter feelings