Look at the positive side of crying; it makes you feel so very human and wanted, says MOHUA CHINAPPA

A guy friend once complimented me for looking “pretty” while I cried. As the tears of grief flowed non-stop, I was quite pleased to know I didn’t look ugly when I cried. I went to the bathroom, held the sink, and peered close to take a look at my face, my nose was red, my eyes were swollen and my face was patchy with red marks but my lips were swollen and red, and I did notice my eyes smile back at me. Thank God! I murmured to myself.

I have also been told that I was unbearably ugly when I cried. I was scarred by that statement and told myself “gosh next time I must not cry out loud. I must cry like a lady!” Small sobs, use a tissue and look like Greta Garbo, Marilyn Monroe, Madhubala.

However hard the grief is ladies, please remember that even grief must be pretty and ladylike. After all, grief and tragedy is our birthright. It makes us so very attractive.

Mohua Chinappa

But I do wish to know with mumbo jumbo of equality, why crying is also gendered? I wish to know when crying will be unisex? Let’s be fair to men and allow them to share some of our privileges. 

I have broken down in restaurants and people have gawked at me. It didn’t embarrass me, one bit, though. It wasn’t really any of their business.

I am sorry for being sorry. Over time my best friends have that “psychic gaze” when they know the drops will fall and they hold my arm or give me a look that says STOP not worth it!! It’s the reassurance I search in the stranger sometimes who has been privy to my tears. But I always try to remember to keep the sobs ladylike. I don’t succeed, but the pressure is on.

And as far as women crying in public goes, please remember just be natural and spontaneous.

Break the conditioning and dump the ones who make you feel like hell for crying. They don’t deserve to be in your life only in your joy, if they can’t be there during your pain.  

Look at the positive side of crying; it makes you feel so very human and wanted. And if you close your eyes and pray while crying, don’t be surprised if you see God-sent, milky white guardian angels wipe your tears with their silky little fingers.

Mohua Chinappa, who writes content with a steadfast mission towards activism, has been passionately writing on gender, entrepreneurship, handmade, sustainability, arts & crafts. Over 20 years in the business of selling dreams and managing campaigns across industries, she has worked across India in the international markets for PR/Advertising.